Supports in Order!
by TheWorldTimeForgot
Summary: Support Conversations are fascinating things that make us love the characters that we order around a battlefield. They tell amusing tales and back stories, give information about the characters, or are just plain silly. But supports have one more trait. They can also be completely innocent when viewed separately, and hypocritical or just plain old hilarious when viewed together.
1. Female Robin Chrom Lucina Support

I do not own anything- Nor do I make any money off of these stories. The only thing I get is EXP for the author class, which has only two skills which are "Destroy draft and rewrite." and "Curse the heavens"

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**Chapter one.**

**Lucina+Robin C rank support.**

**Robin+Chrom A rank support.**

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Robin wiped her forehead and promptly dropped the box of tomes she was carrying to the convoy onto her foot. The tactician swore in anger, and pushed over the box. Originally Vaike was supposed to do this, but the fighter had vanished the moment Chrom told him his task. Naturally the prince had just given the task to her the moment he saw her next. Robin looked down at the box then decided instead just to push it to where it was needed. From there, she decided, whoever was in charge of that could take care of it.

Now that her chore was done, Robin looked over her jacket. It was covered with dust and sweat. The tactician sighed as she brushed her hands down the old coat. Maybe it was time for a bath.

Robin had bad memories of the bathing tent, the first being misreading the times table in which the men and the women bathed. Gaius had been very slick about it, only because she had seen the prisoner's brand. If she hadn't most likely the slippery thief would have blackmailed her into giving him ten or twenty pounds of chocolate.

The second bad experience in the bath house involved a certain Ylissian prince and his oafish ways of accidentally walking into the bathing tent during the woman's bathing hours. Evidently, despite not thinking of her as a woman anywhere else, he still found her womanly enough to stare for three straight seconds before he came back to reality.

After her child Morgan had a run in with Kjelle and miraculously escaped without a scratch and instead a bride, Robin wondered if she had insulted or sacrificed thousands of goats to whatever deity who's domain was the bathing tent before she lost her memory or if she, and her entire family line had been cursed by some insane dark mage to have bad experiences in the bathroom.

The next time she met Validar, she decided that she would ask if the Grimleal had met her mother in the bath. If he said yes, then it was her mother's family line that was cursed.

If not, then the idiot probably cursed himself in a prayer ritual or the like.

"Robin, may I have a word?" Lucina said quietly.

"So many chores, so little time." The tactician muttered, breaking out of her trance. "What is it Lucina?"

"What do you think you're up to?!" The Ylissian princess cried as she lowered her Falchion towards the tactician's throat."

Robin swallowed nervously. Right now, the princess was angry beyond all measure. How it got to be this way was completely unthinkable, even for a genius like her. "I beg your pardon?"

"Don't act all innocent you home-wrecking harpy! What are you doing poking around outside Father's tent?

"...Is that his tent?" Robin muttered. The lord was getting dangerously close with her sword. It almost cut her throat, and if Lucina sliced her windpipe it would be all over for her. For a unit that couldn't learn Wrath, the Lord was surprisingly terrifying when angry. The only person who ever made her feel this way was Cherche after an unfortunate incident involving Minerva and a wheel of cottage cheese. Nevertheless, the lord was making her feel on edge, as Lucina was practically raving when she shouted. "You know perfectly well it is. Now confess! You were trying to get close to him for some nefarious reason, weren't you?!"

"There's been a bit of a misunderstanding here... I was on the way back to my own tent and happened to pass by this way."

" I'm not talking about just today! You're ALWAYS lurking near him, whenever the chance presents itself! It's almost as if the two of you are... lovers. Gods! If the rumors are true, he's even seen you naked before!"

Robin flushed, because what the princess said as partly true. But that wouldn't stop her. "Lucina? I am Chrom's chief tactician, his top aide, and his trusted military adviser. My duties demand that I be constantly at his side."

"Hmph. A reasonable enough cover story, I suppose... Are you saying you have no intention of seducing him?

"The thought never crossed my mind." Robin said indignantly.

"But you ARE with him all the time, yes? And he trusts you so much. It would be so easy to fall in love, even if you didn't mean to."

"You are a hopeless romantic Lucina, our relationship is purely professional. Chrom is the general; I am the tactician. We are also great friends, but nothing more, nothing less."

Lucina sheathed Falchion before sighing. "That's easy to say. And you might even believe it yourself." The princess stoically glared at the tactician, before turning away. She would just have to come up with some other way of chasing off hyenas.

"You refuse to trust me, don't you? Very well. I have a proposal. Why don't you follow me for a while and watch everything that I do. Perhaps direct observation will eradicate your doubts?"

At the sound of Robin's exasperated voice, Lucina whirled around and said. "Very well. I'll do exactly that. I will be as your shadow! Just watch and see."

"That's great! Now that that's taken care of, I'm going to take a bath. Woman's bathing hours end in forty minutes. Care to join me?"

"No its fine." Lucina nodded. "I already bathed."

As the tactician wandered off, the princess noticed something odd. She had seen her father enter the bathing tent ten minutes ago. Needless to say, Lucina gasped in horror as Robin walked straight into her father bathing, and was even more infuriated when Chrom said to her that they "knew each other better because of it, and that they had "Nothing to hide."

The absolute worst part about it was the end of the two "lovers" conversation.

Robin had said to Chrom, who incidentally at this time was garbed only in a towel. "Not the most appropriate way for a man and woman to get to know each other... But...I suppose as long as nobody else knows..."

The tactician had blushed and looked away.

The prince only laughed. "Ha ha! It's like we're partners in crime sharing an unsavory past! Anything that brings us closer will make us stronger on the battlefield. Just you wait."

It was done.

Lucina blazed with the rage of a thousand suns, and hell hath no fury of a vengeful daughter of a Philanderer. If Robin was that big of a competitor for Chrom's attention, then she had to get her idiot father to recall how wonderful her mother was.

"Lace would attract attention." Lucina mumbled as she stared at Robin flipping through a book. "Or perhaps pictures of Emm, would bring that casanova back to his senses. Mother will never lose to someone like you! "

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**This is just a side project, so it will update irregularly. Keep this in mind if this doesn't update for a while. I probably didn't have time to write anything. **

**If you liked this story, its sense of humor, try my other story the Butterfly Effect. I know that this is shameless self endorsing, but I don't really care. **

**Please Read/Review!**


	2. So Goddamn Many it Won't Fit

Nowi Robin support level B

Donnel Robin Support Level A

Panne (Female) Robin Support Level A(At the end of the chapter as no one dares eat anything that a shepherd had touched.)

Chrom Vaike support level A

Chrom Sumia support level B

Stahl Panne A

Sully-(Roster)

Kjelle/Lon'qu(Father)

Lissa Kellam Support Level C/B

Gaius Olivia support level C

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_**Supports in Order. Everyone Sucks at Cooking!**_

Robin sighed as she wandered through the camp. Her stomach was rumbling, and groaning, having been deprived of food for the past few days. The Shepherds, were the finest force in the Ylisse-Feroxi-Cho'sin alliance, and many soldiers looked up to them whenever they stepped up on the battlefield. However it seemed sometimes, everywhere but the battlefield the Shepherds sucked. Surprisingly, with the exception of Cherche, everyone simply was horrible at cooking. For the past few days, the cooking rotation had been going back and forth between the worst cooks in the entire army.

Sully cooked just the other day, and Ricken collapsed with a fever after just two bites. With a bit of quick thinking, Robin had managed to convince everyone there was a disease going around and evacuate everyone from the cook tent.

The next day, Kjelle, Sully's daughter cooked. As this was her first time cooking, Robin and all the Shepherds sat down to eat, just to see if her talent at cooking was even a smidgen better than her mother's.

It sadly wasn't. The entire army fell to its knees and almost was completely destroyed by a horde of wandering Risen.

Lon'qu, Kjelle's father told his daughter about her the breakfast of horrors after Kjelle complained about the state of the army. The knight reacted with horror and an oath not to cook again.

Unfortunately, Kjelle took out her stress the way she always did.

Fighting.

Seventeen shepherds, warriors brought to their knees by the breakfast of horrors, were knocked down and crushed utterly before the angry Knight calmed.

After that disaster, Robin thought it would be over.

But then came Chrom and Vaike, who just had to do a cooking contest. The stews they made were the night's meal, and after Vaike stopped breathing from a single spoonful, the entire squadron fought over who would eat Chrom's stew and who would eat Vaike's stew.

The battle for the soup had been going well, as Robin had rallied Chrom, Stahl, Ricken, Tharja, and Sully-and Lon'qu who normally would just avoid the messhall-to her side. The small squadron had fought their way to the stewpots when Nowi burst in like a hurricane and exclaimed wildly that she had an idea to make both stews edible.

She then promptly dumped Vaike's stew into Chrom's.

No one ate that day.

Of course, after the first few days, people were going nuts about food. Gaius started raving about a candy tree and attempted to scale a cliff multiple times to reach it, Stahl ran around the camp screaming about some strange food called the fire fruit while tearing at his eyes, and Nowi started throwing her precious dragonstone at snakes to try to get something to eat.

The saddest part about it was that Robin eventually joined her in the hunts, and the two actually cooked(badly) and attempted to choke it down.

The tactician buried her head into the arms sobbing. No one in the entire fucking army could cook a damn! And Cherche was still out for the count after trying Chrom's food!

"Hey Robin?" Donnel muttered as he entered the tent. "Do ya think you could come w'th me to go search for food? Maybe you could make sure that if I end up catching Panne again, that I don't end up eating her." His eyes were thin and hungry. It was almost believable that if he caught the taguel in a transformed state he would eat her. After all, Rabbit meat was not the worst meat possible.

"Sure." Robin nodded. "What could go wrong?"

Donnel retching and crawling out to the river to throw up was probably a bad sign. With a sip, the tactician sourly noted that it once again, tasted something resembling rotting toenails. Robin looked down at the stew, and sighed, before dumping it. A rat scampered down a tree and took a bite of a floating piece of carrot before falling over and dying.

She glanced longingly at the charred fish that Donnel had fried, but after poking it with a stick, it cracked in half, and blew away into the wind.

"Ugh, I'm horrible, at this. Why do I know how to command troops and not know how to make a good soup!"

Robin crossed her arms and walked back into the camp, where she saw Chrom devouring a rhubarb pie with great gusto. Her eyes widened in shock. Someone in the camp could cook.

"Where did you get that!"

"Eh! R-r-Robin?"

Robin drained her face of the excitement blazing in her chest. "You know Chrom, I've been your tactician for quite a while now..."

"Um.."

"And we've done things, or rather you've done things that shouldn't have come to light."

"What?"

"I wonder, what would happen if I happened to let it slip to I don't know, Sully...Or Frederick...Or your wife... That you just happened to walk in on me in the bath-"

Chrom paled and almost jumped ten feet in the air. "Come on! You walked in on me too!"

Robin smiled devilishly. "And for what? You think the people in this camp believe I secretly lust after you? Would a lady really deliberately walk in on you, like a hot-blooded hormonal, young adult male?"

"Damn you! What are your demands?"

"The pie. A slice. Now. And the name of the person who made it."

Chrom mumbled Sumia and forked over a small slice of the pie. He then slipped off into his tent and started eating where no one else could see him.

Robin rushed over to the kitchen, and saw ten or twelve pies sitting on the counter. It was the holy grail in dark times like these. Robin rushed over and grabbed one and attempted to plow straight through it. Two hunks of dried flour, and a dry piece of Rhubarb struck against the back of her throat.

The tactician lay on the ground, throwing up what little bits and pieces were left in her stomach.

The other fourteen pies were evidently just as horrible. Limping out of the tent, Robin lay down crying. She eventually sat down in the arms tent and ate twelve Kris's confectionaries. Fortunately as the maker of the confectionaries were almost(and not) as bad at cooking as she was, it only made Robin weep instead of throw up and die.

In the next battle, she was invincible. Not a single enemy could touch her. Walhart tried, but was thrown back with a single touch. His wolf-berg not even scratching her cloak.

When the conqueror bowed down and proposed marriage after his axe shattered on her skin, Robin laughed heartily and blew him away with a thoron spell. Then proceeded to raid his kitchen and eat all his vegetables. For there was no greater crime in the world then to eat a man's lettuce, no?

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**Yeah, that's right. I insulted Sumia's pies. Do you know why? If it takes fifteen tries to cooks something good, then the cook is not good at all. Anyways, Like I said. I will not shamelessly self plug. Read something other then this. Do not read my other stories. (Reverse psychology always works right?)**

**I don't own intelligence systems, and make no profit in doing this.**


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